Student Handbook
Your comprehensive guide to life at Murr State University. Everything you need to know about academics, campus life, policies, and the legendary shenanigans that make our university unique.
Table of Contents
Grading, attendance, and academic integrity policies
Housing, dining, clubs, and student organizations
Fighting Mermen sports and athletic policies
Student behavior expectations and disciplinary procedures
Support services, counseling, and resources
Safety protocols and emergency contacts
Academic Policies
Our grading system is based on the prestigious OWL (Ordinary Wizarding Level) and NEWT (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test) examinations from the wizarding world. Students must achieve at least an "Acceptable" grade to pass courses.
Students are expected to attend all classes unless they have a valid excuse such as:
- •Dead dads
Murr State University maintains the highest standards of academic integrity. Students are expected to:
Do:
- • Write strongly worded letters
- • Collaborate ethically on group projects
- • Report any suspicious academic behavior
Don't:
- • Plagiarize someone else's pranks
- • Use unauthorized materials during exams
- • Fabricate sources for your research
Campus Life
Our unique residence hall where every resident is paired with a roommate named Charlie. The Charlie Matching Algorithm ensures perfect compatibility.
Housing Rules:
- • No non-Charlies allowed in Charlie-only areas
- • Charlie appreciation ceremonies are mandatory
- • Quiet hours: 10 PM - 6 AM (except during Charlie events)
- • All decorations must be Charlie-themed
Our signature dining experience featuring gourmet hot dogs and premium Dairy Queen Blizzards.
Dining Hours (Hobbit-Style):
- • Breakfast: 7:00 AM - 9:00 AM
- • Second Breakfast: 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM
- • Elevensies: 11:00 AM - 11:30 AM
- • Lunch: 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM
- • Afternoon Tea: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM
- • Dinner: 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM
- • Supper: 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM
- • Late Night Glizzy: 9:00 PM - 11:00 PM
Bob Appreciation Societies
Two prestigious societies: one for anatomical appreciation and another celebrating Professor Bob Heyes.
The Slush Club
Exclusive organization controlling campus vending machines. Membership by invitation only.
Dead Dad Club (DDC)
Founded in 1990 by JD. A support group for students with deceased fathers, featuring dark humor therapy.
The Tim Jims
Male-only glee club where every member is named Tim or Jim. No exceptions.
Fighting Mermen Fan Club
Support our championship-winning aquatic sports teams with synchronized cheering.
Murray Appreciation Society
Dedicated to our beloved campus pet and unofficial mascot, Murray the Mule.
Fighting Mermen Athletics
Lacrosse Legends
Revolutionary "aquatic stick handling" techniques. 3 conference championships in 5 years.
Water Polo Champions
Undefeated for 15 seasons. Their "mermaid formation" has been banned in 3 leagues.
Synchronized Swimming
UNESCO World Heritage Site. Performed for royalty in 12 countries.
Competitive Show-Mules
8 consecutive National Show-Mule Championship titles.
Pub Quiz Team
94% win rate in intercollegiate competitions.
Eligibility Requirements:
- • Maintain 2.0 GPA minimum
- • Complete underwater breathing certification
- • Pass mermaid formation training
- • Attend all Charlie appreciation ceremonies
Training Facilities:
- • State-of-the-art underwater training center
- • Olympic-sized slush pool
- • Mule grooming and training facilities
- • 24/7 trivia question database
Code of Conduct
All students are expected to uphold the highest standards of behavior while embracing the unique culture of Murr State University.
Required Behaviors:
- • Respect all Charlies, Tims, and Jims
- • Participate in Bob appreciation activities
- • Support Fighting Mermen athletics
- • Maintain proper slush etiquette
- • Show respect for Murray the Mule
Violations of the code of conduct will be reviewed by the Student Conduct Board, which includes representatives from each major student organization.
Sanctions May Include:
- • Mandatory Charlie appreciation training
- • Community service with Murray the Mule
- • Temporary suspension from Slush Club
- • Extra Bob appreciation assignments
- • Underwater basket weaving detention
Student Services
Tutoring services, study groups, and academic counseling available for all students.
Location: Library, 2nd Floor
Mental health support, career counseling, and personal development services.
Location: Student Center, 3rd Floor
Job placement assistance, resume building, and interview preparation.
Location: Career Center, 1st Floor
On-campus medical care, health education, and wellness programs.
Location: Health Center, Ground Floor
Fitness facilities, intramural sports, and recreational activities.
Location: Recreation Center
Technical support, computer labs, and technology resources.
Location: IT Center, Basement
Emergency Procedures
Campus Security
(555) 123-MURR
Emergency Services
911
Student Affairs
(555) 123-HELP
Health Center
(555) 123-CARE
Fire Emergency
Pull the nearest fire alarm, evacuate immediately, and call 911. Meet at the designated assembly point near Murray's grazing area.
Medical Emergency
Call 911 immediately, then contact campus security. Stay with the person until help arrives.
Weather Emergency
Follow instructions from campus alerts. Seek shelter in designated areas. Avoid the slush pool during storms.